The SKV

Parable of the Virus-- Matthew 13: 24-30, 36-43

Translations of Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43

Another parable he placed to them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who planted good seed in his field. But while the man slept, his enemy came and planted weeds in the midst of the wheat and left. So when the plant sprouted and fruit was made, then he saw also the weeds. And the slaves, coming to the landowner, said to him, ‘Lord, didn’t you plant good seed in your field?’ And he said to them, ‘A man of enmity did this.’ And they said to him, ‘Therefore, do you want us, taking up, to seize them?” But he said, “No, don’t seize the weeds, lest you judge them with the wheat. Let them both grow together until the harvest. Then, in the time of harvest, I will say to the reapers, “Seize first the weeds and bind them in bundles to burn them but the wheat congregate in my barn.”’”

Then, leaving the crowds, he went into the house. And the disciples came to him saying, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds of the field.” And he said to them, “The planter of good seed is the Son of Man and the field is the world and the good seed are the sons of the kingdom. And the weeds are the sons of the evil and the enemy who planted them is the devil and the harvest is the end of the age and the reapers are angels. Therefore, just as the weeds are seized and thrown into the fire, so it is a the end of the age. The Son of Man will send his angels and they will seize from his kingdom all those who cause stumbling and those who do lawless deeds and throw them into the furnace of fire—there will be weeping and grinding of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.

Jesus told the crowds another story: “God’s utopia is like Bill Gates over Microsoft. He established a whole new version of Windows called ‘Windows Rules!’ which was going to be the premier system operator of all time. However, when Microsoft was closed (the employees DO sleep), Steve Jobs sent some spies in and infected the new operating system with viruses. Then they snuck out, undetected. After a while Windows Rules! went to beta version and all the viruses were discovered—every time the word ‘Windows’ appeared on each line of every text, it was replaced with ‘Apple’. When the Microsoft drones saw this, they went to Bill Gates and said, ‘Great Master, your programming, as always, was without error, was it not?’ Gates responded, ‘Steve Jobs is behind this, I know it!’ They said, ‘Would you like us to re-write every text of the program and take out the name of the accursed Apple?’ Gates said, “No, in my unfathomable wisdom I have discovered that the virus is too insidious—should we erase the “Apples” we will also erase the good text. We have no choice but to wait until the end of the beta test. At that time, I will have my virus hunters create the greatest anti-virus program the universe has ever seen. Then the program will run and every line of virus will be burned in Windows Inferno TM. But the good text will be sent out in Version 2 and they will thrive and make me more money.’”

Having finished his speech, Jesus left the crowds and went to Peter’s house. His private students then asked, “Could you tell us the meaning of your story of the computer virus?” Jesus said, “Certainly. Bill Gates is God’s emperor. The computer is the earth. The Windows Rules text are those who will live in God’s utopia for eternity. The lines of virus are the corrupt who live among God’s people. Steve Jobs is Satan. The beta test is the age we live in now and the final release is the time of God’s utopia. The virus hunters are angels. Just like the virus text is found and eradicated in Windows Inferno TM, so it is at the end of the age. God’s Messiah will send his angels and they will grab every corrupt person in his church—every person who causes God’s people to sin and those who live as if God didn’t tell them how to live. All these will be dragged out of the Emperor’s utopia and thrown to punishment where they will cry out in agony. But the faithful followers of God will thrive in God’s utopia.

Labels: Bill Gates, computer virus, end of the age, Jesus, kingdom of God, matthew 13, Messiah, Parable, Steve Jobs, tares, weeds

posted by Steve Kimes @ 12:58 PM